~Why do we love?~

ian at 1:25 AM

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Birk

I'm not in the best of moods, and I haven't been for awhile. This blog will be serving as my only ventilation.

The obfuscation really is killing me. It’s affecting very much my calls and decisions. Pondering almost at least thrice and still being hesitant.

Speaking of which, it really isn’t that 'obfuscation' but my ambivalence. Crystal clearly I know, the footing it is at right now in addition to God’s commands for me, what is the right thing to do.

It’s me, I just can’t bear to let go of this feeling. Frankly, I’m afraid of changes. Then again, it can only be a change for the better. Unless I’m someone who enjoys being miserable?

Come on, let me drop it and move on, please.

sigh, how do I share with anyone at all...

ian at 12:31 PM

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Swirly Ball

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:12-13

So Ian can be strong too! By God’s strength that’s made perfect in him.

Father I ask, strengthen my feeble heart and steady the knees that give way. Be my strength my shield; let my heart trust in You.

Give strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

I ask and pray all these in Jesus name, Amen.

ian at 2:13 AM

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Melancholy

An apology to readers seems to be a consensus among bloggers who returned from their hiatus, but not for me, pointless.

The over-exposure to typical RP-students in addition to such a huge break between writing had disturbingly jeapodised my english fluency.

Never thought I’d ever be penning my thoughts down here anymore but it seems rather impossible for my emotional capacity to contain all the happenings in my life right now (don’t worry, I don’t do goth make-up nor cut my wrists). I guess such a hub is useful for virtually transferring some pain over to leverage it. (I’m honestly disgusted by my plaintive cries, but it really hurts a lot.)

Theologically I know, God will never give me anything more than I can handle. In fact, I should consider it pure joy, like what James said, because it’s a molding process.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
James 1:2-3

I miss the utter assurance and interdependence I once had with God, I’m praying & seeking hard to restore it.

The unnecessary implications for my FYP gave rise to a plethora of perplexing situations which far transcends our handling limit. And the predicaments Sam and I had to go through were really a test of faith. Our decisions weren’t exactly the wisest and like what Jacob said, it is better to set things right than to simply finish it and be conscience-stricken about what was done.

Blessed is the man,
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
Psalms 1:1

Sam’s condition attributes to a large portion of my dismal. Frankly, it hurts me so so much to see what he is going through now and has to go through in the future. So many things will be affected. Never cried that much since the death of my dearest grandmom who suicided.

I’ve always understood the response to God for something that had happened is never a ‘why’, but a ‘how’. This time, I couldn’t help but to do so:

Why? Why is it that You answered my prayer only to take it away after a year time?
Why when You’ve provided me with someone who’s 89% similar to me only to have this happen to him?
Why can’t it be me instead?

One way or another he really means a lot to me as a friend. As much as I’d like to give thanks for being able to go to school, I’ll be really lonely.

ian at 1:58 AM

Friday, January 09, 2009

I love them, they love me

Ian, Tina, Tubby, Kyle, Matty, Jason, Lapietra, Tim, Toar, Geoff

ian at 9:56 AM

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mission Trip!

Sunny hit it right on da spot. The very thing I’ll be missin’ most is the partnership amidst the 6 of us and not Danica. Despite the trip being at a nearby country, it's the company that counts.

Praying so much that we’ll have the opportunity to collaborate again!

From mere acquaintances to knowing them much more through this trip:

- Shu Rong: Her ever-growing resemblance to Jamie

- Joy: Her senior pastor’s voice and demeanor, and when she’s tired, she really is!

- Ronica: Very impressed by her perpetual consciousness of our agendas

- Su Xian: There’s so much I could say I can dedicate one whole entry for this

- Sunny: He's one reason why I even agreed to this mission trip initially. Urgh, sounds gay, but no.

- And even myself: Expressive and being imitated... "REALLY?!" "I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY!" -_-''

All the fun; laughter; peace & joy, I truly truly enjoyed this mission trip.

All thanks be to God for making it such a success.

We can do all things through Christ which strengthen us
Philippians 4:13

EDIT: aww, all the post trip messages from them are making me soo nostalgic. T.T

ian at 2:10 PM

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Fool for Christ

We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored!

1Corinthians 4:10

When I read this verse along with some others, I had a paradigm shift about wisdom as a Christian, very much thanks to Carmen

That issue aside, people have been asking me about my msn nick, “Why do you call yourself a fool for Christ?”

The meaning is simple, yet we dread every moment of it. Let’s cut to the chase.

Are we ready to be humble enough to be made a fool for the sake of Christ? Every time we try to make Him known, we fear being ignored, brushed off, ridiculed or even laughed at, but are we ready to not conform to these and side for Christ Jesus?

In fact, we’ve been fore-warned about such descry:

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

John 15:17-19

Therefore, be strong my fellow brothers and sisters, persecutions are inevitable, what we desire is at the end of this journey, we hear: 'Well done, good and faithful servant.’

And we know, it was all well worth it.

ian at 2:29 AM

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Take Me In

Thanks sam a million for this song and I thought I’d like to share it with you guys. It’s apt with reference to Isaiah 6 and “I believe it’s inspired from this chapter as well” according to Louis, I concur.

PEPG was very spiritually galvanizing. The things auntie suan choo brought across, so real; so prevalent in christiandom it made me think a lot.

I can’t put across how much I desire once again to humble myself before Christ and let me not be me but Him in me. I’ve been praying so hard to let my life be Galatians 2:20. That’s what a Christian should be.

Anyway, Christmas is coming! And I’m glad my church might be collaborating with YFC for CCIS. This is truly an answered prayer because evangelism is something my cell is looking into and I believe this is will a huge stepping stone.

I really pray and hope that every Christian out there will realize the precedence of evangelism as a child of God.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Acts 1:7

Let us together fulfil what Jesus commanded us before His ascension.

ian at 1:53 AM

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Berzerker Stance!

Gogo! Quick update in da midst of doing my poster presentation while some really slow sites load.

Only a couple more hours before da big day! Hope I can get an EFFICIENT, CLEAR yet CHEAP printing service! There better be one because school’s a total rip off.

There’re many weird things coming up:

- 2-days Leaders’ Retreat

- Mission trip @ JB in early November

- 14-days Service learning @ Cambodia

The leaders' retreat sounds really scary to me. It gives me the impression of all veterans engaging in erudite conversations. *brrr*

It’s probably too hard to imagine. Ok I know, think about yourself attending the final presidential debate between Barack Obama and that McCain fossil...

Oh and since we’re at this, think about it. If McCain dies, Sarah Palin becomes president.. Hmm... WTH!?

k, site’s done loading. bye

ian at 9:55 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Cut to the Chase

Most people believe in some sort of God. Some create their own to their own comfort. Creating juxtapose of themselves, only calling it God.

I must say that the true God is the one who is in the Bible, Jesus Christ. He is the only one who ever claimed to be God and on top of it all, He rose from the dead.

He has showed himself to me so clearly that I couldn't possibly believe otherwise. I would be a fool to say that He hasn't worked miracles in my life.

When I believed, there were miracles, but even when I didn’t, His wonders never cease.

If my word is anything, this is the most sincere I have been in my life. Jesus Christ is Lord. There is a supreme truth to this world, and may your hearts search for it. Believe what you will.

Thanks for hearing me out.

ian at 9:51 PM

Monday, October 20, 2008

Tempest

What is the bonding mechanism you and your classmates have now? How do you improve it?

Weak van de waal forces, and veraciously, no intention of improving.

Isn’t this the point RP has been promoting. Building pseudo-bonds for 6 months and breaking them thereafter? So why the wasted effort?

Nah, no offence here, just some subliminal messages. Plus I have a penchant for hanging out with other friends whom I’m sure will last more than a meagre 6 months.

That was my RJ title and reply today.

And yes I know it’s a shabby update considering the hiatus but it’s still an update.

Till then.

ian at 10:14 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Primal Instinct

If it wasn’t for this God sent lady, who offered me a place under her umbrella, I’d still be waiting in the rain like a fool.

Cap drenched, specs drenched, top to toe drenched. Yet I continued waiting, I couldn’t just take out my phone since I was in the rain.

Just hoping they’d come any time soon and will jokingly say that it was the longest ‘5mins’ of my life.

Till this lady walked past; looked at me, slightly appalled, asked ‘what are you doing here without an umbrella?’ she offered to wait with me till my friends come, insisting she’s not in a rush. Nice lady, I was cms away from hypothermia minutes before.

Then I thought, hey ok since I got a shelter now, I can take out my phone. Lo & behold!

The end
God is good.

Obviously a well thought-out entry huh? lol

ian at 3:27 PM

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Stunlocks!

Premeditation:

Nebuchadnezzar - 2 points!

Cheap Shot:

Basketball, Captain's Ball, Archery - 3 points! (2+3=5)

Kidney Shot:

My students, aka little kids' outing - Finishing

Stunlocking much?

Oh and Sherina, my classmate who kept asking bout my kid's meal, bears a very striking resemblance to the girl 'Emily'. She knows it too!

Ah fu's new blogskin win teh interwebz! no joke!

If anyone happens to understand this entry, I have cookie! =]

ian at 5:04 PM

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Cataclysm

God saw that I went overboard, He took it ALL away.
No doubt it's for my own good, but I still can’t help but to feel ambivalent.

I have in hands the precious lives of many; I need to handle them more carefully.

Yesterday night was fantastic, with zeming, ah fu, zhijin, liyao, jiahui. After having frog-leg porridge supper at geylang, some joker suggested we go out for some fun, yet not knowing where to go.

Drove from Pasir Ris to Jalan Kayu for prata! Hey best prata in Singapore! Yummy! It was almost 2am then. Traveling at the speed of 160mph at SLE, shiok!

Impromptu, for the thrill of it, decided to go cemetery. The journey there was really enjoyable. It took us almost an hour half to find it. We were simply making fools out of ourselves, childishly trying to forget things…

Reached, turning in; music off; highlights up, slowly driving past the tombs, eerie as it was, someone was horny….

Yesterday was one of the most beautiful night I've spent.

Going to the house of God tomorrow. Cheers!

ian at 12:47 AM

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Maths

I’m never an aficionado for maths or any formulae-oriented subjects. In fact I dislike it as much as how Oprah Winfrey hates child abuse.

My surrealistic thought of not having to touch maths anymore in this course was almost made pseudo-existent, which thankfully, I experienced a paradigm shift today. Otherwise I’d still be self-deluded.

That was pretty much when I felt the densest in today’s problem. When maths stuff surfaced from the board second by second, all my hopes crumbled. In addition with all the things needed to remember, I felt really stressed.

It felt like being pinned down by my ‘crumbled blocks’ of dream along with rubble from maths working, imagine the strain level! Even the vastest amount of ductility will fracture! Haha, jargon much?

Well I suppose I was gullible enough to believe that maths and science will not co-exist for once and everything can be solved via the logical-thinking dichotomy.

All-in-all, maths makes me dense (pun intended).

ian at 5:09 AM

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Blessed!

I feel so blessed despite being near penniless! God provided so so much without me having to pay a single cent.! Talk about it ya…

1. I had this sudden urge to get a Rubik’s Cube a few days ago, but I can’t afford one.

So God gave me one through Paul for FREE just last Sunday!! Mastered it in less than 24hours! Yay! Thanks Paul!

2. There’s a lesson by Apostle Wu Bi Chun from Taiwan this coming Sat, her lesson has always been great and beneficial, and I’m dreading to go. It costs 30 bucks though, can’t afford. So I didn’t sign-up.

Then my mate, Jere, had already signed/paid up for the lesson, and later realised that he can’t make it cause of army.

Therefore, he asked me to go in his place instead! It’s super nice isn’t it?! Thanks bro!! And of course God!!

3. Well, I had EBS lesson at Aljunied yesterday, and before I went, I got only 10 cents left with me.

Plus I was unsure if my card has enough money for me to take the train from Woodlands. If I don’t, I can’t go. So I prayed ‘Lord, just let me have any amount in my card, even 1 cent will do, so I can take that ONE train ride to Aljunied.’

And lo & behold, 11 cents in my card! Thank God I can take that one train ride to Aljunied.

I won’t even dare say I’m poor with all these blessings and providence from my Father in heaven.

Yu Ki’s favourite:

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; MY CUP OVERFLOWS.
Psalm 23:5

Oh and Shuiling joined my PEP today!! Cheers to a new harvester-to be!!

All glory to the Lord, my heavenly Father.

ian at 11:07 PM

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Great Poly Garage Sales!!

Way past fantastic! Thank God for the shoppers!! Turnout was great. To think that I was so skeptical *slaps self with a large trout* I did pray about it though! Well, God’s work done in God’s way will NEVER lack God’s supply!

My mate, Chek, went down too and he happens know Shawn!

There was this super friendly guy from RP despite his punky-ness. He gave teh archery a try, not exactly the best person to take up this sport. =x

Oh and the best thing! I got a PHAT loot! Thank God so much since my dad kept telling me to get some new home clothes, they make me look hobo. And here the El Shaddai blessed me abundantly!

The red hosts!:

The girl in the middle name's Chantel, cool eh?

Well, GPGS has finally come to an end after all the arduous preparation. It's just a last however, but NOT least, way more to go. So many people out there in need of God.

Sadly, I missed out a couple of things today. Alvin invited me to his church cause the 'pastress' (my term for pastor's wife) from the largest church in Korea came today! Awww =[

And my cell went Renewal for live recording too!! Missed! Both at 7.30pm lol

Nonetheless, GPGS was a great harvest field! In times like this, nothing is more relevant than eternity!

ian at 12:04 AM

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Meh

To be concise,

I did CampusE with yu ki today, very very interesting. Hmm we trespassed someone’s sanctuary. It was fun and fruitful! Haha, Thank God!!

Then off to EH for preparation for GPGS. Interesting things happened too!

Thank God so much for sustaining me through the day as well, at the expense of being ‘a tad bit’ late in the morning though. =x

Oh and this new punctuality system is jeopardizing my grades!! Arghh… So it’s time to sleep.

Wait! before that:

Cool? i improvised this (from weijian's verion) while in the lecture theatre. lol

ian at 11:47 PM

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Sad Statue

It’s almost 1am now and I have class later.

This poly decided that it’s time to be smart and is now stricter on punctuality issue because punk ass kids like me abused their grace period.

I spent the past 20000 minutes reading and it feels really awesome.

Philosophers are self-deluded, and so am I.

But I know one absolute truth: God is real and He loves us.

God has been really good to me and I mean it. Really good is simply an understatement.

Bye!

ian at 1:10 AM

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Blogging on Sabbath

It’s very encouraging to see a brother of mine standing firm on his decision for God despite the alluring temptations and inevitably the agony he’s going through even right now. I feel for you my brother.

I truly thank God for this brother-in-Christ who shares so much with me. I do wish there’s something more I could do to help him feel better though, but only through prayer and God I believe.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Well, school’s starting and the modules I’m taking look indubitably insipid. yucks…

Thank God though, that I get a free day every Wednesday, but then again, I have Personal Profiling. lol

Hmm, my Project Serve ended and I don’t think it ended well. I still need to learn to be more accountable & responsible.

I think I’m a disappointment. In everything I do, I was simply hoping to make my supervisor smile and to please God, but well I’m not even capable of accomplishing such simple task. You’ve still got a long way to go Mr. Ian.

No la I’m not pessimistic, but there has to be a downside to everything isn’t it? How can anything be perfect in this fallen world? So yup, that was just one. Project Serve was great overall no doubt! Because….. I got the BCAD shirt!!! haha

Also I need to get a guitar again. Why on earth did I sell mine last time?! O.o grr…

ian at 3:09 PM